Stay the Distance – the importance of communication in marriage


With gorgeous photos by Anni Graham, this article by Kayla Carter is a reminder to every married couple, whether married five or fifty years, that communicating and slowing down to connect makes for an incredible marriage:

Over the years, my husband and I have always had a somewhat long-distance relationship. The kind where our phones were the only available lifeline to each other. Yet, through the late-night calls and long messages, our communication was given a multi-vitamin shot that torpedoed it into overdrive. We were living solely on each other’s voices and we learnt the importance of good communication early on. So, when we got married I was so excited to be able to spend every waking moment with him. I pictured long chats over eggs on toast, deep discussions while we drove to the grocery store and whispered conversations under the covers.

Flashback to real life and we were only married for a few months before he jumped countries for three weeks to take a job, and I was left feeling cheated out of my daydreams. We were back to square one and the phones came out again.

While he was gone, I was taken aback by the reality of life. Marriage had shown me that there was more to it than just intimate moments and heart-to-heart chats that stretched into the night.

The communication we had cherished and perfected in our dating years had morphed into less talk and more act within our marriage. When we wanted to say, ‘I love you,’ we did the dishes that had been piling up for a week. If we wanted to ask about their day, we would first rub their feet or offer to clean the house while they relaxed.

Of course, there is also talking and laughing, sharing and expressing the troubles and joys of each day, but now that we are face to face there is much more action. An extension of the communication we established all those years ago.

It can also become a replacement to the talking. We must be careful not to the let the actions in our relationship speak louder than our words.

Marriage requires constant communication alongside the sweet gestures that come from everyday life together.

Finding that moment in the day when you can connect with your partner is the lifeline that can bring you into harmony again. As my husband and I navigated the first few months of marriage, we established times put aside to connect and reaffirm the communication between us. Now we don’t always get to them and often the spontaneous ones happen more than the planned ones, but they always, always give us the chance to come back, take a breath and remember why we got married in the first place.

Life will always be trying to get in the way, but you and your person are a team and there is nothing more important than making sure you don’t let life, and everything it tries to throw at you, push aside the love.

Words by Kayla Carter


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