I am no longer the only seeker of my dreams.
I am no longer the only player on the team.
Marriage is the beautiful integration of two separate lives into a shared union. Your table and chairs set that you had in your first, run-down apartment belong to him now too and his mini-fridge that used to hold only various growths of cheese is now yours as well.
These things are easy to share. But when it comes down to the goals and dreams of each person things can get a little fuzzier (not unlike Steve’s cheese.)
After our first few months of marriage Steve up and left for three weeks to work back in our home country. I was, initially, not on board at the idea of being apart for three weeks at all. We had been enjoying every single, solitary minute of life together and the thought of separation was dulling. My reaction to his idea was immediate and strong – I did not want him to go.
There were multiple discussions, some arguments, and a few tears. It was a struggle to let him go especially after our first few intoxicating months of living together in our marriage bubble.
But I was being selfish. Yes, selfish. I was only thinking about myself and my wants and needs. I hadn’t considered that maybe he was feeling homesick or that maybe his current job was draining him and yet still he went to it everyday for me. For me and the dreams of mine that he was supporting right now.
It was my turn to support him.
While he was gone, every time we would talk on the phone we would dream together. Like we did when we were dating. We dreamt of the future and what we wanted it to look like. Where we wanted to be and the names and faces of our children.
Pursuing goals, careers, and dreams alongside your marriage can be difficult to master. It takes selflessness, humility, and loyalty to your other half. You have to reset your mind and realise that there is more than just you on the team now and the benefits of a supportive partner far outweigh the time spent away from your own personal goals.
Steve and I have found in our marriage that while we are young we have the freedom to take turns in our dreams and aspirations for ourselves as well as each other’s goals. We want to let each other experience everything they can and know that they have our full, unrequited support through it all. Because of this, we have a constant cheer squad, fan club, and believer in any goal we set our mind to.
Learning to recognize and understand each other’s dreams requires time and effort and this may sound like the exact opposite of what you want to hear but sharing a life with someone is never going to be a stroll in the park. There is always going to be pigeons getting in your way or different food trucks pulling you in opposite directions. But when the separation is over, and you are back on the path, the reunion is sweeter that you could ever dream of by yourself.
