Love + Marriage | ,

Drawn together


Here’s a recap from issue 28, a delightfully witty and engaging story on writer Sam Graham’s different stages of attraction to his wife throughout their relationship. Read on for the full feature.

The way that I am attracted to my wife now is completely different to when we first met. And before you start thinking how charming it is that love adapts as relationships change (blah, blah, blah), let me rephrase. I find her sexy now in ways that I couldn’t have ever imagined when we first met. A lot of men will say things like this over the course of their life with a woman, but often it can be just empty words used to try to convince the world that as a man, you’re OK with more than five cats sleeping in your bed, or Madonna arms.

When I first met my wife, we were both 16. She was a slight departure from my usual type. Her hair was from the world of Maurice Sendak, she pouted constantly as a result of recently removed braces, and she wore a lot of tight turtlenecks, even if winter was months away, or months ago. I was attracted to the weird things, like the fact that she listened to Nick Cave and PJ Harvey, that she smoked Alpine cigarettes, and that she swore, often, well and with impeccable timing. She was acerbic, busty and a stone-cold knockout.
As it turns out, you notice different things as a 16-year-old than you do at 20, 25 and 30. By 20, I realised that, although she was only a few months older than me, she had always been a woman – even though I was still wondering when I would start feeling like a full-grown man. For some reason, that was hot.

By 25, we had gone and explored the world together, and had many chances to stray from home and experience other things, but we never once worried that we wouldn’t hear the other’s key rattle in the door at the end of a long night out. Over the years we’d helped each other take all the walls down between us, and in their place we built a thicker wall around the two of us.
At 30, the attraction I feel for her is no longer a separate part of my everyday consciousness. I no longer find myself all of a sudden dreaming about her – she forms a part of my every thought and movement, so that regardless of what else I’m doing, it seems like an obstacle on the road back to being together. We joke that if we could, we would shrink ourselves down á la “Honey, I Shrunk The Kids” and ride around in each other’s top pocket, just shooting the breeze and giving a running commentary.
When your relationship is right and when your attraction is this strong, there are no decisions, no weighing up or afterthoughts. There’s just you and the one you love.


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