I pulled my hooded sweatshirt over my head and snapped, ‘I don’t want to talk about this anymore.’ My fiance huffed. ‘It would be easier if we eloped. Or just forgot this whole idea all together. This isn’t what we want anymore.’ My face burned. My stomach knotted. Everything was wrong. I was trying to please everyone – so why was everything falling apart?
The secret they don’t tell you is that for however long your engagement is, you’ll be opened to the world of question and suggestion. It’s usually harmless. I don’t think your nearest and dearest are really trying to stress you out or make you feel pressure when they offer advice or express interest. They want be a part of your experience. They also love you and genuinely want to help. But every suggestion slowly weighs you down to the point where you question every decision. Green? No. Blue? Maybe? And you will do things you’re not proud of because of the stress and the overwhelming desire to satisfy those you love.
For me, what started off as a chat about what reception venue turned into an argument, ending with me stewing in my hoodie. There was snapping. There was emotional detachment. All things you don’t want to think about when planning your wedding. But the truth is I felt pressure from everything. My friends, my family, bridal magazines, blogs, Pinterest, Instagram, and our budget.
I wanted everything to work. For my guests to be happy. For the picture in my mind to be real, budget and resources be damned. But, that’s not real when you try to set yourself up to please everyone. You have to be human. In that moment, I had to remind myself to be just that. So, I recalibrated. I toned down the wedding research (use it for inspiration, not comparison!). I talked to my Mister about my feelings, fears, and frustration. And I started to look at things from the most important angle: will this affect the outcome of my marriage? The answer, to most questions, is no. Napkins and flowers don’t add up to happiness. You only have a finite amount of money, time, attention and emotion. Wedding planning, by nature, wants to expend them all. It’s why little details can leave you stewing with your hood pulled up.
Decide what’s most important to you and align your energy with what you value most. Communicate with your partner. Remember that the suggestions aren’t meant to pressure you. And most importantly, remember the outcome is most important. When you let go of the feeling that you need to satisfy everyone, things that used to weigh on you no longer do.
