Building Trust



This Issue’s social experiment sees us tackling trust: how we can strengthen this in our relationships day-to-day by taking that one extra step to make your partner feel valued and loved. We’ve put together a very sweet list of activities—this one is definitely one you’ll want to try out for yourselves! But if you have reservations, check out what these three couples learnt about trust from this experiment.

• Both of you take the time to write a letter to each other. Tell your partner why you love them and what they mean to you. Share what it means to have someone so close that you can trust with so much. Swap letters and read aloud.
• Two to three times this week, spend three minutes staring into each other’s eyes.
• Play the classic game, ‘Two Truths, One Lie’. Tell your partner two facts about you they may not know and one lie, and see how well they know you.
• Each of you should write a list separately of fun things you’d like to do together. Compare the lists and do one of the activities that you both wrote about.
• Switch off! At least once this week, turn off the TV, switch off your phone and set some quiet time for you two to either lounge around, have a meal together or take a stroll.

We both agree that working on being patient with one another and thinking the best of each other are huge parts of what trust looks like to us. Acting for the other’s best interest makes us both feel safe and that we can trust each other in any situation—it also helps create a safe space for vulnerability. Building trust requires risk (mostly emotional) so we both feel like it’s important to do what we can to build a safe platform in our marriage. Trust must be nurtured and built from the other person’s perspective, a truly ‘put yourself in the other person’s shoes’ kind of thinking, and when we fail at doing so, because no-one is perfect, forgiveness heals broken trust. Being people of our word is a big deal to us—not saying one thing and doing another. When people feel like they are being heard and cared for and listened to, they are more likely to trust you, especially when they see you have their best interest at heart. Being consistent is another huge way also. Trust is hard and we understand that; it takes work, struggle and is sometimes trial and error. Trust has a lot to do with believing who the other is in what they say and do, and building on that is so important in a marriage.

Trust looks a lot like faith in our relationship. We have trust/faith that the other person has our best interests in mind. When Stefanie is making a decision, I trust she’s thinking about me as well. I trust her instincts and wisdom and vice versa. We are quick to say sorry and forgive. We never go to bed angry and build trust everyday by listening, growing and learning. It’s so helpful to know when there has been a perceived violation of love and trust to recognise the lie we could be believing. When a core lie is hit in our hearts, it can cause us to cope in a way that hurts the other person (when we feel unloved, not good enough, alone etc). We try to remind each other afterwards that we are loved, not alone, and good enough. When we feel secure, we stop coping in a negative way and are able to love each other with full trust. Having one person stop that cycle can keep much more peace in the relationship.

Trust is foundational for every relationship. The beauty of trusting someone is that you’re giving them the opportunity to break your heart or care for it. I think trust is one of the most beautiful gifts you could give … it’s saying, “Here’s my heart—I believe you will care for it well.” Josue: It’s putting the other person’s needs above your own. Bailey: Trusting my husband means not being afraid to be vulnerable with him. I find that looking at our past together helps me to trust him more for the future. He has never broken my trust before, and I trust that he will continue to keep it. Josue: For me, it means having the confidence that whatever she does is for my best interest and vice versa. Bailey: I think to make myself more trustworthy involves communicating all of my inner thoughts, insecurities and expectations. The more transparent I am, the more my husband can trust me. Josue: To be more like this for me means becoming more selfless.


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